I really need to do that, otherwise I am going to make a wrong decision on everything. so I need to breathe and think about it seriously over a cup of coffee. I just do want to respect everybody and their opinion. someone said I have cold feet, and that's right. I am getting so scared about getting a car with a lot of money and geting some responsibility, which is not that much but too much for me now. I know I need to grow up and take more responsibility but that might be too fast to do that. I thought I have enough responsibity to take care of myself and to get a car, but now I don't think so. I have been escaping from takeing responsibility by the facr that someone make some decision for me. such a kid. I have not grown up yet. I cannot take care of even myself. but I have to do so, otherwise I cannot survive here... I do not have choice. That was the decision that I made before I came here..... to take any responsibilty whatever happens here. there is nobody that helps me like my family in Japan....